The Engineer's Duty
by Angst Is My Middle Name
Summary: Montgomery Scott nervously anticipates his first meeting with his captain since their return to Earth at the end of Into Darkness. Spoilers for the new movie.


_**I felt like Scotty hasn't gotten enough love and attention after Into Darkness, especially with that scene. I mean, let's be honest, it had to be rough on him. So, that's where this came from.**_

**_Spoilers for Into Darkness; mentions of character death._**

* * *

No one in Starfleet who was familiar with Lt. Montgomery 'Scotty' Scott would call the man nervous. Excitable? Undoubtedly. Headstrong and stubborn? Definitely. But nervous? Certainly not. Scotty was a man fully in control of his mind and his work, and he was always willing to do whatever it took to prove that he was right. It was with this attitude that kidnapped the admiral's beagle for a simple transporter demonstration, an action for which he was essentially banished to the outpost on Delta Vega. Even during a furious dressing down from Admiral Archer, Scotty remained unaffected and confident he was in the right. In the rare event he was ever truly wrong, however, he was humble and apologetic, not shamed and not wanting to be someone whose reputation was of vain self-importance.

Therefore, anyone who saw him standing in the corridor outside Cpt. James T. Kirk's quarters at Starfleet Headquarters would see the agitated wringing of Scotty's hands and pinpricks of sweat at his brow as mere excitement. It was no secret that Scotty was devoted to the young captain and had not seen him since their return in a severely crippled Enterprise several weeks ago. They would likely assume he had important information on the Enterprise's repairs for the captain( who had reportedly been pushed over the edge on this last mission and had collapsed from exhaustion and possibly grief from the loss of his mentor, Admiral Christopher Pike). The people who thought that would be very, very wrong. Scotty was downright _nervous_.

"Enter!"

Scotty gulped and did as his frien- no… -his captain asked, for he wasn't worthy to call this man his friend, not anymore. No one allows his friend to crawl into a warp core to die of radiation poisoning. _No_, he thought as he looked upon the man resting on the couch, _I'm not even worthy to polish this man's boots. Not by a long road_…

He couldn't find the right words to say to his captain once inside.

"It's good to see you, Scotty," Jim supplied, seeing the other man struggling, "How's our ship?"

The words rang through Scotty's ears like gunfire, nearly sending him reeling. Those words had been some of the last Jim had spoken before his death barely a month ago. He sucked in a short breath.

"F-fine, Cap'n, she's fine," he stammered quickly, "Repairs all goin' as planned. Now, if you'll excuse me, I should get back to her. Keep an eye on things, y'know? See you-"

"_Don't_," Jim responded sharply, then gentled his tone, "That's not why you're here. If you had just wanted to update me on the Enterprise, you would've commed me. That being said, I haven't seen or even heard from you since… I haven't even seen a note on my PADD. Bones said that nearly everyone who knew what happened was checking in on me and driving him nuts… everyone except you. Now, I'm not mad about it, don't you _ever_ think I would be mad at you for that… I just wanna know _why_, Scotty."

He refused to make eye contact with Jim, feeling tears threaten to fall at any moment. His throat was tight, his lungs not wanting to hold the amount of air he knew they should.

"Scotty, please… come on, sit down and talk to me. I wanna help you-"

"_It should've been me!_"

The shout surprised both men with its intensity and emotion and left a charged silence hanging between them. Scotty stood in the middle of the small apartment, wild-eyed and mildly frantic, hands balled into fists, and now that he had found his voice properly, he continued on though that voice trembled and cracked.

"It should have been _me_, Jim! Not you! It's my job, my _duty_, to care for the ship in every way, and it's my duty to care for you! And I failed! Do you have any idea how I've felt for the last month? How I felt when I woke up strapped to a chair and realized what I'd let you do? I've felt like a _failure_ because I let you die in there. You're the _captain_. I ought to have sent you back to the bridge and gone in to fix it and die myself, and that's… that's why I couldn't face you… because I don't… I don't deserve to be counted among your friends…"

Scotty wasn't sure when he started crying exactly, but he did know that when his small tirade was done, tears were pouring down his face. Jim held out his hand, saying, "C'mere, Scotty," and beckoning him closer. There was a brief moment in which Scotty considered fleeing, but he trusted the captain to at least be gentle in permanently relieving him of his position on the Enterprise. He approached the couch slowly and sat down beside Jim. He didn't know how to react when Jim took one of his hands in both of his own.

"Look, Scotty… it's not your fault," Jim explained quietly, "I'm the one who should apologize to you. I made up my mind on a course of action before you were even done talking. I made up my mind to go in there because I couldn't bear to lose any more of my crew… my _friends_ that day. _Nothing_ that happened is due to your failure because _you didn't fail_. I'm so sorry I made you feel that way. I'm sorry I took the choice away from you, but I'm not sorry for what I did. I would do it again and again if it meant keeping my friends alive. It would've killed me if you would've gone in there and died… I couldn't let that happen."

"But-"

"It's also the captain's duty to care for the ship, as well as care for the entire crew. I would have been derelict in that duty had I allowed you to go into the warp core when I knew it meant certain death. Like I said earlier, I'm sorry I hurt you, Scotty, but I'm not sorry for what I did. I told Bones and Spock the same thing."

Scotty looked into those blue eyes and saw nothing but sincerity and love. The memories of those eyes glazed over with pain and imminent death washed over Scotty, and his lip trembled again. In an instant, he wrenched his hand from Jim's grasp and threw his arms around the man's neck, crying, "God, laddie, I missed you so much!"

Jim's arms found their way around Scotty after a moment, hugging him back, allowing Scotty to cry loudly into his shoulder; it would be a lie to say that Jim's eyes were dry. They sat that way for a long while, even after Scotty had stopped crying, neither wanting to let go. When they finally disengaged, Scotty dragged an arm across his face to wipe away the tears and snot.

" 'M sorry, cap'n. I just-"

"No, you don't apologize for anything," Jim told him, "Especially not that. Now... I wanna hear how the Enterprise's repairs are coming along. Tell me everything, Scotty."

"She's comin' along fine. Looks better every day!" he said cheerfully, "Och, let me tell you what they tried yesterday, though!"

Jim grinned as Scotty rattled on about their beloved ship, happy in the knowledge that getting the old Scotty back was simple as asking about his Lady.


End file.
